Babies-(Backwards R)-Disturbing!

See, now, that diaper cake works for me! 

So, as we've discussed, my baby sister is currently knocked up.  With child.  Bun, oven, etc.  Is's all very exciting.  I'm looking forward terribly to meeting my wee nephew (whose name is still unknown, though they haven't told me FOR SURE that Morimoto is off the table, so I'm still figuring it's that), mostly because I will get to send fantastic gifts, pimp ridiculous outfits on him, bribe him with trips to Disneyland, and eventually recruit him into my Awesome Imaginary Pirate Army.

(Psst — I hope I like him. I think this is why I don’t have kids: what if I don’t LIKE them? Like, as people? You can’t really “It’s not you, it’s me” your own offspring. A woman I worked with said of one of her nephews, “I never did like that kid — even before I found him making my Chihuahua lick his penis.”)

ANYWAY. In the far shorter term, there is a shower to be thrown! Small’s friend Liz – who is crafty, geniusy, and SMRT – is throwing the baby hoe-down next month. One definite plus to living in Detroit for six months: being far closer to my knocked-up baby sister in Cleveland! I get to GO to the shower!

Liz has asked if I know of any fun – FUN – shower games. Now, my favorite party game is “Here, Have Another Cocktail.” So I’ve been doing some research. (Googling ‘baby shower’ turns up 25,400,000 results. Which is a number I’m not even making This is a pie featuring a fetus listening to an ipod. (Thx, CakeWrecks!)up. Some of those sites are BOSSY!) Though there ARE some cute and clever ideas (diaper cakes (which is not what it sounds like), “Everyone Decorates Onesies” (previously featured on “Gilmore Girls”))…my baby-showering concerns have not been assuaged.

Ideas for shower games – a celebratory PARTY, mind you – range from disgusting (one coworker joyously told of a door prize game at her daughter’s shower, whereinSOME shower desserts are lovely! LOOK how cute! each place setting included a neatly folded disposable diaper…the person who opened her diaper to find it filled with mustard won a prize!) to humiliating (the classic “use string or toilet paper to guess how big around the pregnant person is! Closest to actual hugeness wins a prize!”). Why are we inclined to congratulate a woman/person/family for bringing new life into the world/welcoming new people into a family by rowdily acting out Japanese game shows?

Yes, that's one of those creepy ultrasounds. (Thx again, CakeWrecks!) For me, the point of having a party of any kind is the food. Well, mostly the food (nods at pregnant sister). One site mentions lobster martinis, which I found reassuring. (Unless it is a boozy cocktail involving crustaceans. Then, hopes: dashed. (Sort of.)) Another site thought serving nonalcoholic “Preggatinis” was a fabulous idea. Then there are the cakes. Oh, the cakes. Oh NO, the CAKES. FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD: THE CAKES.

So, I’m asking: baby showers. Have you had one? Have you thrown one? Have you had a great time at one? Have you had a laughably ridiculous time at one? DO TELL!